Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball Recipes

Steps:

• Preheat oven to 300 degrees F.
• Place and spread all the almonds on a cookie sheet or in a shallow pan, pushing the almonds around until they turn color, about 20 minutes.
• Mix together the cream cheese and the mayonnaise. Add the bacon, salt and pepper, dill, and onion. Chill overnight.
• On a serving platter, make 2 pine cone shapes with the cheese. Begin to press the almonds at a slight angle into the cheese, starting at the narrow end of the pine cone shape.
• Do this in rows, continuing to overlap rows until all the cheese is covered. Garnish with fake sprigs, or real ones, or with rosemary.
• Serve at room temperature and spread on crackers.

Steps:

• You should have known that it wasn't going to go well when he arrived to pick you up for dinner on his Segway. As if it wasn't awkward enough having to walk briskly along beside him, craning your neck to make eye contact as he rolled down the sidewalk, there was the added talking point of his jaunty little straw boater. What was he thinking? What were you?
• Now you are starving because he took you to a raw food restaurant and then announced that everything was, "Real expensive, so don't go crazy." You were totally not prepared for him to whip out the calculator to determine, to the penny, what you ate. Once safely back in your own apartment-alone!-make yourself a nutty cheese ball because that's exactly what that clown was. Mix together cream cheese and pineapple.
• Take a quick peek out the window to make sure he's gone. What? Is that him, lurking beneath the lamppost? Oh, great, not only was he a lousy date, but now he wants to stalk you? Why is it always the losers that you can't get rid of? Wonder, "Why can't the really good-looking and successful guys be the stalkers?" as you put walnuts in a ziplock bag and crush them with a hammer, pounding on them like he kept pounding his fist on the table as he ranted endlessly about how nobody listens to him at work.
• Add diced green pepper and celery to the cheese. Roll cheese mixture into a ball. Try not to think about how he kept adjusting his balls during dinner, saying, "Damn, boys, sit still!" And especially don't think about the several times he actually reached down inside his pants and then with the same hand reached over to your plate to fish a piece of zucchini out of your raw lasagna.
• Roll cheese ball in walnuts and vow not to ever, ever again go out with a man you met at the ninety-nine-cent store.

Steps:

• Place first 4 ingredients in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed for 2 minutes or until smooth and creamy. Add dates, shallots, lemon rind, salt and pepper, beat at medium speed until well blended, scraping sides of bowl as necessary.
• Spoon cheese mixture onto a large sheet of plastic wrap. Form into a ball; using a rubber spatula. Wrap cheese ball in plastic wrap; chill overnight.
• Combine parsley and walnuts in a shallow dish. Unwrap cheese ball; gently roll ball in nut mixture, coating well. Place on a serving plate. Serve immediately, or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

Steps:

• In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, Parmesan cheese and garlic until blended. Divide into three portions. , For Pine Nut-Pesto Cheese Ball: Beat one portion of cream cheese mixture and pesto until blended. Stir in basil. Chop 2 tablespoons pine nuts; stir into cheese mixture. Shape into a ball; roll in remaining pine nuts. Wrap in plastic; chill until firm. , For Horseradish-Bacon Cheese Ball: Beat one portion of cream cheese mixture and horseradish until blended. Stir in bacon and onion. Shape into a ball. Wrap in plastic; chill until firm., For Salsa Cheese Ball: Beat one portion of cream cheese mixture, tomato paste and salt until blended. Stir in cilantro, onion and jalapeno. Shape into a ball. Wrap in plastic; chill until firm. , Can refrigerate up to two weeks. Serve with crackers.

Steps:

• Place all ingredients except pecans and crackers in mixer bowl.
• Attach bowl and flat beater to mixer.
• Turn to speed 4 and beat about 1 minute, or until well blended.
• On waxed paper, shape mixture into a ball.
• Roll ball in chopped pecans.
• Wrap in waxed paper.
• Refrigerate until serving time.

Steps:

• In a large bowl, beat the first 8 ingredients until blended. Cover and refrigerate until easily handled, about 45 minutes. , Shape into 2 balls; roll in parsley and pecans. Cover and refrigerate. Remove from the refrigerator 15 minutes before serving with crackers.